The last few weeks since I've been home have been pretty crazy. It's been interesting trying to schedule time in the day when I can hook up to my machine for 80 minutes. I guess summer coming has been good (not really - I'm not a morning person) because Payton wakes up earlier so he can nap earlier. This is how my day goes: Awakened by Kel alarm clock 4:50 AM, go back to sleep - kiss him goodbye, go back to sleep. Drag myself out of bed (except the 1st week home I was feeling so great, it was easy to get up - not so much anymore). Get dressed. Wake Hailee up and get her dressed. Get Payton up and diaper changed. Feed Hailee and make her a lunch. I'm trying really hard to read our scriptures and say a family prayer every morning before we leave to watch over and protect us all. Be out the door by 7:34 AM so she can wave to the bus lady that picks up the handicap kids down the street. Jump into Big Truck drive Hailee to school, come home make Payton and myself breakfast. Try to clean up the kitchen and pick up the house a little (I still have to be really careful because I have pain in my right arm still and don't want to aggravate it). Do computer stuff while Payton is telling me "Come on, I show you" every 5 minutes. I try to put him down for a nap by 11 AM so I can then clean all the electrode areas with rubbing alcohol then carefully place the electrodes in the proper places (I messed that up pretty good one day when I had a nasty headache). Then I do 40 minutes on my lower body then 40 minutes on my upper body (hands and arms). When I'm done with that, I try to do house stuff but I'm usually exhausted and sleep for a little bit before I have to go get Hais from school at 2:25 PM. After school it's snack time and homework. Try to figure out what the heck to make for dinner, nobody likes the same foods. Dinner is always fun and interesting around our house. Then showers, teeth and jammies. Then Daddy gets home from work and they play for a few minutes if he gets home before they go to bed. Rock with Payton for a few minutes, put him to bed, then off to Hais room. She prays, then we always read a story of part of a chapter book, talk for a few minutes, then kiss her good night. Then I grab my machine and start my treatments again. At least I get to sit with my husband for 80 minutes and I can't leave if he's watching sports center. It's nice to get to spend time with him. Then I get ready for bed and start it all over again.
The first few days I was home I felt so good - I totally over did it and now my body is paying the price. I'm really excited to get my new machine hopefully this next week. I know my frequencies have changed and it's not working as aggressively as it could be working. My sinuses are all clogged up again. Good news... Dorri got to go home Friday! In her text she seemed so happy. I felt very privileged to know her, she called me her angel. You know, I know the Lord put people in our path so we can help each other. The minute I saw her, I prayed that she didn't have to suffer anymore. I'm glad I could be there for her to help easy her burdens and help her when she didn't have anyone there for support. Even though I didn't have my family - I have Trisha and Jeff who welcomed me with open arms to their home. And the Corpus Christi 3rd Ward was amazing, I feel so grateful for the wonderful friendships I made while I was there.
The hardest part of being back is just having to be responsible again for my family. I'm sad my business is gone, but I am at peace with it. With everything going on in our lives - Payton is still sick and I'm trying to get better - my priority has to be me and my family. If that means I don't have an income anymore, that's ok. Kelvin busts his butt working everyday so we can have a good life and I can be home with our kids. I just be grateful for the things we do have and don't be angry about all the bad/hard things we have to deal with in our life. What's the point of being mad, really? God never said it would be easy in this life, he only said it would be worth it. I truly believe that we have trials to make us a stronger person. Trials so we can appreciate the good things in life. Trials so we might be humble. Trials so other can receive the blessings for helping us. Trials so we can learn and grow. The last 7 years have been filled with trials for our family, at points we didn't think anything worse could happen but it did, but we kept our heads up and moved forward. We gained testimonies and faith and had peace that it would all be ok and we'd be ok. Never once did I doubt my Heavenly Father's love for me, I know he loves me and understands my fears and frustrations. With everything that happened at some point you wonder how much more you can take, but I always remembered he'd never give you more than you can handle. At church on Sunday, Rachael, gave a great analogy. The Lord is like a personal trainer at the gym. When those weights are heavy and you want to quit. Does your trainer let you just quit and say ok? No. He tells you to suck it up and keep going, he encourages you to keep going, that you are doing great, just a few more. That's how the Lord is...he encourages us to keep going - he'll put people in your path to help you along the rough patches. Before I went to Texas, once day the pain was so bad. Payton had been really sick that day too. I finally got down on my knees and started praying for help because I was at my limits. I have 2 kids and Kel works A LOT. I don't get to crawl in bed when I don't feel good - I put on a happy face and be a mommy. I get angry and mad, but I'm still a mommy and they need me. So I prayed that I was at my limits, you know and for a few hours the pain subsided a little to a livable level. I'm so grateful. Grateful that I can be happy and grateful that now that I'm doing better I can not just put on a happy face but really have a happy face. It's amazing how much pain takes out of you. For those of you, who live with chronic pain, I feel for you and how you find your own peace. Do whatever you can to get to Dr Rhodes, he will help you. I've seen it happen to me but I've seen it happen to lots of people. Anyways, I better go hook up to my machine, the laundry is in the dryer and kids are sleeping. Kel is out of town still on his turkey hunt. He better bring me home a fresh turkey (that he can smoke - I'm not touching it!) for Mother's Day since he's missing it. I'm not mad at least he's having a good time with Chris. I'm grateful Chris is here to be a best friend to him. I know it's so hard that wherever we go I always know people, but I grew up here. He really misses California and all of our amazing friends there! Hopefully one day I can become better friends with Chris' wife and we can do more stuff with them. It's been hard for me to allow people to become my friend the last few years. My pain was so bad, I just didn't need one more thing. Anyways, sorry I blabbed on...good night! I'll try to be better about blogging.
PS... I got some of those Sketcher Shape Ups cause Kathy (she has RSD too) said they really help her feet not to hurt. I literally wear them all day long except when I'm hooked up. They have strengthened my legs and take some of the pressure of my feet. Today I wore regular shoes... BAD IDEA! My feet hurt so badly today. I love my Sketchers!!!
