August 2009, I sustained an injury to my right foot and ankle and after several months of various doctor visits and physical therapy, they finally determined that I have a rare nerve damage injury called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome aka RSDS (Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Syndrome). RSDS is an injury disease. For more information on RSDS you can go to this website South Texas Innovative Medicine.

If left untreated the pain can spread throughout the entire body. It has already spread to my hip and is starting up the right side of my back. Dr. Rhodes at South Texas Innovative Medicine specializes in treating patients with this syndrome and has a 90% success rate. Treatments however must be done at the clinic in Corpus Christi, TX for 15 consecutive days and is extremely expensive. I needed to raise between $8,000 - $10,000 for the treatments, housing, food, airfare, and transportation while in Texas.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

The Last Few Days

Sorry didn't mean to leave ya'll in the dark the last few days. It's been a little crazy. Monday night after I packed all my stuff, I decided it was probably too heavy and had to repack everything. I actually went to bed somewhat early. I got up and went to Dr. Rhodes for my appointment at 7:30 AM, I actually got there early, so they started to train me on the new machine. It's rally cool and all the things it does. I was on the testing mode for a really long time, then it finally told me that a new protocol was needed. They sent me home with a new protocol. As soon as I got back to the house I hurried and hooked up since I needed to leave for the airport. Trisha came in a brought me some pancakes which were super yummy! She just sat in my room with me and we talked. I finished putting the few last items in my bags and off to the airport we went. Trisha parked and helped me in with my bags since they were so many and they were heavy. I totally wore the wrong shoes - platforms, but in my own defense I wanted to look really cute for Kelvin. I checked in and went to my gate. the guy that was waiting next to me was made because he was headed on a business trip and security confiscated in toothpaste and shaving cream. He was like did they really think unopened toiletries are really bombs? Oh yeah... when I went through security they patted me down and bomb tested my machine. Good times! I passed! I told him what had happened to me. He was really nice. The plane ride was pretty smooth. I couldn't fir my machine under the seat so I had to put it in the overhead and my laptop bag under my seat. They valeted the other carry on since it was a little plane. After I got my other bag back I went to go ride on the skyline to take me to the other terminal. I couldn't wait to just get home. Some ladies came and sat next to me, they'd been trying to get back to Phoenix for a few days now. They had been on a cruise and missed their flight back to Phoenix (the only plane that actually left on time with the bad Miami weather. They were at the airport but still waiting to deplane. They'd had all sorts of bad luck. When we finally boarded I had told them about my machine, so they didn't have issues with me having 3 bags. The pilot decided not to show up so we sat in the plane for 45 minutes with no one to fly us back home. I was sitting next to an executive at Pilot. He was very kind. It was cool that I could tell him about Dr. Rhodes because he has a 20 year old son that had back surgery a few months back and it's healing. Hopefully Dr. Rhodes can help him. He helped me get my bags all off the plane. I was trying to figure out in my head how the heck I was going to carry all 4 of my bags to meet Kelvin outside. I was walking out of the terminal heading towards baggage when I felt like someone was following me, I turned a little and saw a man in a red shirt, then on a double take realized it was Kel! I gave him such a big hug! The of course I kissed him. He helped me with my bags and we went to baggage claim to get my other suitcase. The we walked out to Big Truck which he had the shop detail and clean for me. I did however notice the Arizona pinstriping on the passenger side that wasn't there previously. I texted my mom to let her know we were on our way home. I told her not to tell the kids. When I walked through the door they were in the kitchen and didn't hear me come in, Payton was the first to see me. He ran down the hallway "Mommy!" and ran into my arms, then Hais came running around the corner. She was crying a little. She was so happy I was home. I loved to be home again. I missed my kids so much! After dinner I put them to bed. It was really nice to be able to lay in bed with Hailee and read to her. Skype just isn't the same quality time. When I was finished I hooked up to my machine. It's going to be challenging to figure out the machine schedule with the kids. I didn't even check my emails, just went to bed. it's nice to be in my own bed again. I missed my pillow!
I have to go get Hailee from school, so I'll finish yesterday a little later when I get time. I'm home safe though and I am so grateful for Trisha and Jeff and their kindness and love for me. Trisha is definitely going to be a friend for life!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Should I Stay or Should I Go???

I got up this morning and went to Dr. Rhodes. Since I didn't have my appointment yesterday I wasn't sure what time I was supposed to go in, so I went at 9 AM since that's my usual time. Nope it was at 10 AM. I could have slept another hour! Shoot! But they saw me early, since I had really severe pain from my sneeze, they tested me and put me on a new frequency. Dr. Rhodes came in and talked to me. He really wants me to stay through the rest of the week and maybe into part of next week until the machines come in. Especially since my pain isn't 100% gone, I was so torn about what to do. I started crying. He said I could go home and come back in a few weeks. They just want to be able to train me on how to use the new machine.
I came home crying because I don't want to stay. I want to be home with Kel and the kids. There's bills that need to be paid, work to be done, my kids need me. I talked to Kathy - she told me to stay. I called Dr. Rhodes office and asked if they can train me tomorrow morning. Tamara went and checked and Sara can train me as best as possible tomorrow while I'm there. I check my account online and after I pay them for all my visits ($100/day) I'll only have $283 left in the medical account. I can't afford to stay anyways. I prayed about it a lot and I need to go home and I feel peaceful about that decision.
I took a shower then a nap for the rest of the afternoon and felt much better. I ate dinner and finished my laundry. I started to pack. I hate packing - really it sucks. I talked to Kel, he said Payton was really upset when he left. I read to Hais and then helped Trisha with her wedding album. Now I'm sitting here hooked up to my machine. And then I get to repack because my suitcase is going to be overweight. Agggg... This is my fun night - but glad it's my last! I'm so excited to see Kel and run into my house to see my babies. I miss them so much!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Our Peaceful Home

Well, I always have good intentions of going to bed early but that seems to never happen. I never did adjust to Texas time - who could they are 2 hours ahead of Arizona! So i go to bed when I usually would in Phoenix, but get up on Texas time. It's so not a good idea! Especially when you have a Dr. appointment at 8 AM and church at 9AM. I set mu alarm for 6:50 so that I would have plenty of time to do my hair and make up, 7:30 rolls around and I figure I should probably get out of bed. I hurried and got ready with half frizzy hair. Quickly ran the flat iron through it - still frizzy. I ran out the door, got in the car as was half way to my appointment when I got a phone call from Sara at the office that all appointments were canceled today because there was no power in the entire building. So I got up early for nothing. She said just stay at the same protocols and frequencies as I have been on for this last week. I got back home and laid in bed messaging with my mom until Trisha was ready for church.
Sacrament was great, missionary farewell. He strayed from the church for a few years but now at 22 he's back and ready to serve the Lord. Dora came and found me in sunday School to just say hi, she's so sweet. I really like her. They were discussing Number 11 in class. I LOVE this wards relief Society. The sisters are so kind and so nice. Everyone is family to each other. The sister that was sitting next to me hugged me and said I'm so glad you are still here. They really have made me feel so welcomed. Afterwards, I told the RS President thanks for all her help while I've been here. She was sad I was already leaving, but said to make sure Kathy contacts them when she comes to see Dr. Rhodes. At home, Jeff made lunch, then I went and did my treatments and took a nap for the rest of the afternoon. I called and talk to Bill and Kathy. Bill's almost done with my guitar. When he sells them, this style is called the "Ash". I feel so privileged to have a guitar named after me!
I sat in my bed and studies my scriptures, this is something I want to try to do a lot more when I get home. Really have scripture study a part of our daily routine. Personally but with the kids as well. hopefully Kel will join us at some point. Being here has really made me evaluate our lives and the things I want to change. I really want our home to be peaceful and like a heaven on earth. I want our kids friends to want to be at our house when they are older because it feels different. After dinner, Anthony & Lynette came over to play games and eat scones. I rally like them a lot. Dora called while they were here and we talked for quite a while. She made an appointment to go see Dr. Rhodes to help with her Fibromyalgia. Trisha and I talked for a little while about life. She has a rally good perspective on things and I'm always grateful for her listening ear and her input.
Hailee was ready for her story so I read to her. Payton kept telling me that the train in his book was broken and the car crashed! He's so funny. I got to talk to Kel for a few minutes. He loves to drive me crazy and kept telling me he was going to finally go get the mail. That is my one thing I hate him to touch - the mail. He messes it up. He half opens stuff and doesn't throw the trash away. He'll probably get it and leave it on the desk for me. He just likes to threaten me, silly boy. Well I got 30 minutes left... good thing because I have had to go to the bathroom for the last 35 minutes. Good night and only 2 days until I'm home!!!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Jellyfish on Shore

I woke up today and was pretty amazed how little pain I have in my body. I truly believe that Dr. Rhodes is amazing and am so grateful for his gift and knowledge to heal people from this awful disease. I see people everyday who have suffered so long from this RSD and even children and teenagers. it breaks my heart how badly they suffer. I'm so glad I've only had to suffer 8 months. Actually less than that because I've been hooking up to Kathy's machine since January. When I started on her machine my toes were curled and I could move them, extremely painful. It felt like my foot was broken, it hurt to walk, drive, move it, not move it, everything I did hurt. I'm just so grateful. I went for my testing again today - they tested upper body again. What do ya know... I get to stay on the same protocol and frequencies. My body is really responding well to the protocols he has me on, they are working great. I just have to make sure I be smart and not get injured. Or let the kids jump on me or it will all come back instantly and I'll have to start all over.
When I got home, I hooked up and watched a movie. Trisha was trying to do her toe nails but she's got a preggo belly so I took her polish off for her. Oh I miss doing nails!
Then we got in the car and drove to Padre Island. I think we were at Padre Balli Park Beach. It's crazy, you can drive your car up to the water here. So different from Cali. Oh, the water and the waves. I love the waves, I could sit there all day and stare at them. We took our shoes off and went to walk on the beach. Jeff was so crazy - he kept walking further and further out into the water. It was to his shoulders! I got soaked too, but only just above my knees. A huge wave came up on shore and soaked us. The water was great, I would have loved to go for a swim and I don't even like going in the ocean. It was so warm and inviting. As we were walking there was a jellyfish on the sand. I got excited and took a picture, the lady near by said it was a cabbage jellyfish and they don't sting. There are the one's the sea turtles eat. Walking further I actually saw 3 more. There was also this super fuzzy worm, it was pretty big. I love this picture - I'm going to turn it into a black and white. I picked up a few shells for Hais to keep in our shell candle holder in the kids bathroom. On our way back to our chairs, there was this guy making a sand sculpture of a shark eating a human. it was awesome! So we took pictures with it, it wasn't finished yet, but it still looked cool. We actually talked with them for a little while. He owns Davies Trees. He's actually done the tree work at the San Antonio, Nauvoo, Salt Lake, and one other temple. Pretty interesting. They were such a nice family! We went back and sat in the chair for a few minutes watching the waves. Then we sat under a little ramada when it became available. Then we drove to this cute gift shop and I got a few things for the kids. I came home and took a shower, yuck I was covered in sand. I'm totally going to have to scrub the shower, there is so much sand left behind. Then I took a nap and watched another movie. Trisha wasn't feeling well, she gets really bad pains in her stomach. I went out to see if she needed anything. I decided to pain her toes for her so I gave her a little pedicure. She's never had anything but pink or red on her toes before. I couldn't believe it! So I painted them purple and put a cute white iridescent daisy on her big toes. they turned out SO cute! Then we decided to go to Whataburger for food. It took them forever to make my burger (another hour and I could have had breakfast food, too bad it wasn't a guy at the register, I could have gotten him to allow my to get pancakes - girls are harder to convince how much you would rather have pancakes than a burger). Anyways, since it took forever - they gave me free fries.
Oh yeah... and Kel called while him and Payton were at Jack in the Box. He said Payt was so insistent on there being icecream cones there and he kept telling Payton no they don't have ice cream. he finally realized that Payton thought jack was an upside down ice cream cone. He's such a funny little boy!
I got to talk to Payt for a few minutes on Skype - he made faces at me. I then went and finished Trisha's manicure. I did french tips with daisy's on each finger. It looks so good. She never does her nails so it was a real treat for her. I'm so glad I could do that for her, I miss doing nails. Hailee called while I was finishing so I called her back, we read a story then here I am now blogging. I'm trying to decide if I should straighten my hair tonight or just do it in the morning. I hate waking up early. My appointment is at 8AM and i have to be ready for church when I go because church starts at 9AM. Well I hope you enjoyed my day!

Friday, April 23, 2010

70 mph Winds

So last night I had every intention of going to bed early. Then the winds started. My window was rattling so badly! I started looking at radar on different websites and went to tornadovideos.net. There were tornado warning and even one tornado in the more western part of Texas. There was an extreme wind advisory here until 4 AM. The winds got to 70 mph. It was crazy, at one point the power went out. It reminded me of AZ's fun monsoon storms with out the lightning and rain. I finally decided I should go to bed.
I woke up this morning actually feeling pretty good. My right foot was hurting pretty badly and my left shoulder, but for the most part I was doing a little better today. The office was super excited for the cookies! I did my testing and they kept me on the same protocol and frequencies since they seem to be working. I just have to be super careful not to do anything stupid that is going to hurt myself. I love that I've made so many new friends here at the clinic. We see each other driving in/out and we wave to each other. There a genuine concern for each other and our well being.
I came home and had some pancakes, then hooked up to my machine. I had every intention of taking a nap but instead watched all my shows I missed last night on hulu. When I finally did fall asleep, after an hour or so, Doori called to ask me if I took her a package yesterday. I said yes. She had been asleep and the front desk guy knocked on her door and said there was a package for her. She was confused thinking that maybe somehow he sister had gotten her crackers and gatorade, she called to see if she had sent them, but nope. I guess when she went to Dr. Rhodes she asked if they sent them over to the hotel, they had no clue what she was talking about. Then she realized it must have been me. She just called to say thank you. I imagine it's hard for her to be here all by herself and now they want her to stay 9 extra days. I'm glad I followed my prompting to help her - I told her if she needs anything to please call me. Also that Trisha is a nurse in case she needs anything.
I've felt really lethargic this afternoon. I was sick to my stomach. I've not felt really hungry, but know I need to eat. I lied down and started to watch a movie and passed out for like 3 hours. Ate some dinner and came in here to talk to Hais and to read to her. My Grandma is out of the hospital and back home. I'm grateful we get to keep her a little longer. Hais just informed me she has no school Monday, so she'll have to stay with Mamo an extra day. I think they are going to go to the Glendale Public Library. She will be amazed, out library by our house is pretty tiny. Well... I'm going to go grab another brownie and hook up to my machine. I have my appointment at 9 AM and then in the afternoon we are going to the beach! Yeah I'm so excited! That has to be one of my favorite place on this earth. Good night!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

The Coast Guard Experience

Last night I was tired but just could go to sleep. When I did sleep it was actually a pretty good night sleep. I got up and got ready for the day. Last night Jeff and Trisha were given tickets to the boat show today. I went to my appointment. Dr. Rhodes came in and talked to me. For the most part I was feeling pretty good. The pain was really bad in my shoulders and across my sternum, in my right ankle and calf, and my left knee. I told him that my sinuses have clogged up again. I said a silent prayer that he would be guided in his decisions today for my treatments. He decided to keep my lower body protocol the same since it seemed to be helping a lot. He changed my upper body back to the shoulder and sinus protocol. 5 days left! He's hoping the machines get here in time, they are supposed to be here next week. This volcano has really messed things up! If I get home before they come they will send me the new one and then I'll send them my machine back. I guess I'm starting to feel overwhelmed with gladness. I'm finally starting to feel somewhat more relief. I asked him about some medical questions. I have some moles that have gotten a lot larger He said it's from the lack of circulation in my body from the RSD. Hopefully when I'm in remission, they will shrink again. If not and I have to get them removed then I'm supposed to call first so that they can put me on a special protocol before the removal so it won't relapse the RSD. I also asked him about braces. My teeth have shifted and it's driving me crazy. He said NO! At least not for 1 year. That will relapse the RSD quickly too. (Trauma to the mouth). He's really hopeful that I'll be in remission really soon.


When I got home Trisha and I left for the boat show. It was SO windy! It was incredible! There were some huge yachts! I loved watching the water, it's so beautiful and peaceful. You could actually see the USS Lexington in the distance. Wow, it was so large. I made friends with some of the Coast Guard guys and got them to hold Max and Ducka in a few pictures. Then we went to the 81ft Coast Guard ship and took a tour. It was incredible. They have a rescue boat that comes out of a hydrolic door. On the bow of the boat the have 2 - 50 Caliber guns on each side. If you look really closely at the Coast Guard on the right and notice his right arm, he's got a really cool tattoo. Since I love tattoos, I asked him what it meant. He said that's the tattoo they get when they've finished 50,000 miles out on the sea. Above that tattoo, you can't really see it but I noticed he had a hula girl. When we were inside, I noticed a hula girl doll on the dash (or whatever they call it). I asked if there was some meaning behind the hula girl. He said yeah it's kinda their motto/ logo it keeps them going. I thought that was pretty interesting. The ship was just so amazing. They said we were like those kids on the field trips that ask a million questions. The guys that was giving is the tour was pretty new so his buddy had to come and answer questions he couldn't answer. It was funny. We got to inside and see all the radar equipment. They were excited that they have XM radio so they can actually listen to music while out on the ocean. They protect our coast from drug and immigrant smugglers, illegal fishermen, etc. When the tour was over we saw these really cool benches and tables. This is the biggest yacht I have ever seen in real life. It was huge! It also had a ski boat it pulled or somehow connected to and also another boat on the top deck, maybe as a safety vessel. We peeked in the front door area and saw into the dining room. The chandelier was a blown glass - incredible! I can't even fathom how much that thing cost. They also have the Selena memorial here, here's a picture. We walked back to the car. We ran a few errands and went to the grocery store. Doori wasn't feeling well this morning (another patient at Dr. Rhodes) so I dropped some crackers and Gatorade at her hotel. Hopefully the front office guy took them to her, she's been pretty sick the last few days. Then when we got home, I hurried and hooked up to my machine. I didn't get to finish the 2nd half of my upper body protocol. I got sick to my stomach and had to stop it early. It was ok though cause the Missionaries came over for dinner. Trisha had made the most delicious chicken enchiladas in the crock pot. After dinner I helped clean up and then made cookies for the office. Oh... and Jason Faras called! (He's my best friend from High School) He called to see what I was doing, I told him I was in Texas. He said how far from El Paso are you? I googled it 9.5 hours. Shoot! He was heading to AZ but would have stopped to say hi if I wasn't the complete opposite direction. He was heading home from the weekend because he's leaving for another tour to Afghanistan. That so bums me out that I don't get to see him again, we missed each other last time he came home too. Kel and I usually go out to dinner or go shooting with Jason. He has very colorful language so it's usually adults only. LOL! He's funny, he tries not to cuss so much around me, but it never works.
I was able to Skype with both kids tonight. Oh I can't wait to see them next week and just hold them in my arms. I'll probably cry when I get home and not want to put them down. I sure miss Kel a lot too. I'm really grateful for him and how he's really stepped up to take care of Hais. Well 3 more minutes for my lower body treatment then 40 more for my upper. Then I should probably go to bed at a somewhat decent hour tonight because I need to get up early and take a shower. I was so sticky when I woke up this morning. Gross! Oh yeah and can we say it is super crazy windy here and even more windy at the beach. I'd hate to be here during a hurricane. Well hope you enjoyed my picture from today!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Another Sunny Day

Last night was pretty rough. It took me hours to fall asleep then I was having a hard time staying asleep. I woke up in good spirits though. I got up and got dresses and put half my makeup on. Trisha had me drive myself in the accord this morning. As I was driving I saw a another older model civic that was the exact same color, same spoiler, same everything as hers. I freaked out thinking someone had stolen their car since Jeff meets others and they car pool while leaving their cars in one place. I got a good look at the guy and the license plate. I tried calling 3 times and no answer. I finally got a hold of her and luckily it wasn't the same license plate. How random to see the exact same looking car.
At Dr. Rhodes this morning, I was actually feeling pretty good. Now don't get me wrong, a good day for me is having bearable pain. The pain is still there just not a severe today. No more migraine either. I made the office cookies last night and of course forgot them! At least they were tasty! I'll have to make them more. After my testing, they kept me on the same protocols and frequencies today since they were helping.
When I got back to the house I talked to my mom and Paytie for a few minutes. Then Trisha and I went over to the church to help make dolls for the humanitarian project. I'm actually a really good whip stitcher! The dolls were really cute! They are bringing me the template to church on Sunday. It was nice to be able to get to know a few of the sisters in the ward better.
When we got back I hooked up to my machine then pretty much was asleep until 6:30PM. I made a sandwich, watched American Idol online, and started my 2nd treatment of the day. I got to Skype with Payton - he's so funny!He kept making faces at me sticking out his tongue and making himself burp. He can burp multiple times on command. It's really humorous. Kel and Hais called me. Kel shaved his head, I was so mad! At least he didn't BIC it, it's just really short. Hailee told me about her day. I can't believe she graduates from Kindergarten in a month! She getting so grown up.
I'm going to finish reading my scriptures and go to bed, I'm a little sick to my stomach tonight. Need that rest! Good night!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Soap Suds

I actually slept kinda well last night, went to bed with a killer migraine. Took 3 Alieve thankfully it helped me sleep. Woke up with a little migraine left. I drive to Dr. Rhodes, half way there I realized I forgot my machine at the house. Gosh Dang It! I couldn't turn around to get it cause I was already going to be late. I go there and Tamara sent me to room 6. I sat there for like 10 minutes then went up front and was like does anyone even know I'm here? Yeah she never told them I came. My usualy girl came in. I told her about my nasty migraine from the night before and so she went to go to talk to Dr. Rhodes. He put my on a new Protocol where the electrodes mostly go on my fingers.
He stopped by my room and I told him I wanted to talk with him. He sat down and I asked him more about RSD and told him to tell me medically why my pain keep jumping around so much. He said that the RSD goes through the blood meaning our blood goes through our entire body and where I'm experiencing the most pain is where my blood isn't circulating very well. He told me that I really need to make sure I'm eating A LOT of protein. He said to carry walnuts or almonds in my purse and to eat some every single hour. He said that RSD can make you hypoglycemic. He asked if I ever crave sugar and it's because of the RSD. I might eat something sugary and it might help for 10 minutes but then I'll crash. It's because my body is really craving the protein not the sugar. So this is my new venture... LOTS OF PROTEIN! I questioned about when the new machines will be in, he said they can't get here until the volcano in Iceland stops because it's seized all flights in Europe. I had no idea there was even a volcano. Being here I'm so out of the loop about what's going on in the world! (I found this picture later and I googled the volcano. It's my favorite picture I found) I asked my tech if protein shakes are ok (I love smoothies!) She said sure, yeah even beef jerky would be great to keep in my purse. During my testing today she had to test a lot of different frequencies. Finally she got one that had a great reading, she was super stoked! During the testing electrodes are placed in the area where the protocol states and then black things (would look like leg warmers but for your fingers) are placed on my pointer fingers and then a wire that reads temperatures are places touching my fingers is inserted. I have to warm up for 4 minutes before the testing starts. Then she starts setting the machine to different frequencies at4 minute intervals and a mini laptop records that temperature readings. If my body heats up too much or cools down too much then the machine gets a negative reading. You get a positive reading when your body responds well to an average temperature increase. The machine knows what your body needs! Since I forgot my machine they gave me very specific instructions to reset the frequencies myself.
On the way home I stopped and filled up Trisha's car with gas, I knew they'd never take gas money from me, so I figured that was the best way since they could give it back. Then I stopped at Whataburger to pick us up some breakfast. It was so yummy!
Then I started my new protocols, they did help a little today. I had no migraine until 3 PM. I took a nap, then asked Trisha if she could pick me up some Excedrin. I called Kathy to tell her about what Dr. Rhodes had said and to see how Bill was doing. She said his surgery went great! He didn't snap the tendon, it was actually a blood clot in the wrist and he didn't sever the nerve either it was just bruised. It was the best case scenario! Trisha made chicken tacos for dinner, they were really good. I made some cookies to take to the office tomorrow. I love cookies, I could eat them all day, but then I'd gain a ton of weight. I went and took a shower and then talked to Hais and read to her. Kel got on and talked to me too. Hailee tattled and told me how Daddy made bubbles come out of the dish washer. Kel said well there was a pre-wash thing in the dish washer so I put some dish soap in there. It wasn't a lot of soap suds I only used 2 towels to clean it up. Oh goodness! I asked if he missed me. He said yeah I'm excited for you to take back over your wifely duties. I thought me being gone would make him appreciate me more, but to him he thinks it's easy. I tried to explain that I take care of kids all day plus everything else and I'm in horrible pain. He'll never understand unfortunately. I just pray I'm better when I get back. I got to talk to Payton for a few minutes. Kel had told me that every time Payton sees he asks if I'm on the plane. I can't wait, one more week and I can see my family. I miss them. I miss their faces and the funny things they say to me. Well, better go to bed. Have a good night!

Monday, April 19, 2010

A Sunny Day

I woke up to the sun this morning. You know what that means - no rain! It's actually a sunny day! I got to Dr. Rhodes this morning and was in tears. The pain in my legs and across my back is so severe. The tech talked to Dr. Rhodes and they put my on a new protocol and changed the positions of the electrodes. It seems to be helping some, the pain is still there but definitely not as severe.
When I got home I started to work on the baby remembrance book for Lynette and Anthony. I pretty much just took their blog and told the story with it. It turned out so good! I'm really excited for them to receive it. As I was working on the book I started to get a really bad migraine. I took some Alive but that didn't do anything for me. Today was kinda just a slow day, pretty much hung out in my room since my head hurt so badly. I did not take a nap though, I'm trying to get back on a normal sleep schedule. Trisha made french toast and eggs for dinner and they were super yummy. Then I've just been watching a movie and tv on my laptop.
Kathy texted me to let me know Bill's surgery went well. Please keep him in your prayers for a fast recovery.
After I was finished with my treatments tonight, I was able to be a part of Jeff dedicating their house to the Lord. It was neat to be able to experience that with them. I'm really grateful for them and the people that they are, they are so kind and so good natured and hearted.
Hailee called so I could read to her. She wanted me to read more but my head hurts so badly. Kel was telling me that they are so busy at work and Zeb is gone for 2 weeks. Kel has been leaving 1.5 hours early everyday so he could get Hais. Hopefully we can figure something out so he's not so stressed out the rest of the week. I hope he's excited for me to come home. I think he feels frustrated that my treatments haven't been going better. He likes immediate results and this is a process and takes time. I know I've felt frustrated, but need to just continue to be faithful and put my health in the Lords hands and whatever be his will for me.
I asked them tonight if there were any chiropractors in their ward because I know this migraine isn't leaving until my neck gets adjusted. I felt bad, they called the bishop at 10 PM and there is one in the ward, but we'll call him tomorrow. Trisha made some popcorn to snack on - oh I love popcorn and had to finally walk out of the room so I wouldn't eat anymore.
So here I am blogging now, I'm going to go to bed in a few minutes as soon as the banana bread is finished. I love fresh bread out of the oven...mmmmm - so yummy! Good night!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Please, please make it stop!

About 2 AM here last night Hailee woke up as was most upset. When she's tired and disillusional, she's very unreasonable. She kept telling stop trying to force me to go to the bathroom, I don't need to! She was screaming and crying. All I wanted to do was hold her in my arms and love her. Then she realized I didn't read to her, so she called me on Skype. The screen kept going black - I wasn't getting very good internet last night. That upset her so much, she couldn't see my face. Finally, I called her on the phone and left Skype up so she could see me. She finally calmed down and when I was finished she went potty and got her jammies on and went back to bed. I cried though... it's pain wrenching watching your child cry and not be able to hold them and kiss them. I went to bed, slept ok, still had really bad pain in the back of my thighs when I woke up. I actually reset my alarm clock I was so tired. I had to hurry though because I set an early appointment so that I could go to church. I hurried and got dressed and put in my make up. I drove myself to the Dr. this morning. I got there and they started the testing. It was so funny because I kept falling asleep in my chair, but the machine beeped every 4 minutes. I finally asked for a blanket because I was freezing! I don't do coldness... that is why I live in Arizona.
As soon as I was finished I hurried and drove 35 mph to church. This whole city has super low speed limits! I got there as they were singing the sacrament song. Trisha and Jeff were actually asked to speak in church this morning. They gave great talks. I missed Sunday school, I was sitting in the foyer talking to a sister that has firbomyalgia. I told Dora about Dr. Rhodes... we talked a lot about how people with these pain condition - how we rely on our faith so much to get us through our worst times. Before I went into Relief Society I saw Lynette and Anthony in the hallway, so I went over and said hi. They were the couple that came over Friday night. I'm so impressed by them, just meeting them and talking with them you can tell that they are genuinely good people. She invited me to they babies memorial service tonight.
I loved how strongly I felt the spirit in Relief Society. This ward is really amazing, they joke a lot but I love how first thing - turn to your neighbors and give them hugs. And before class started so many came up to greet me and see how I was doing. Bishop's wife was sitting behind me, they invited us over for dinner tonight. The lesson was about the Holy Ghost and how we feel it in our lives. At one point I felt impressed to add to the lesson that the more we act upon those promptings we receive the easier it will be for us to receive more promptings and to know and feel them. When class was over, the sister next to me came over and asked if I had everything I needed. I told her how wonderful Trisha and Jeff have been to me and I was doing ok. Another sister had come over too and they said well there are a lot of us that do nothing all day and would love to help if needed. This ward has really gone above and beyond in helping me. I also told a few of the sisters about Kathy and how hopefully she'd be coming soon. They are so excited and willing to help her to. I'm so grateful to be a member of a church that has the faith that we do, but most importantly where the people have such big hearts and follow their promptings to help those in need. I know especially after this experience i will never again deny a prompting I feel to help someone. I loved the song we sang... I'll go where you want me to go. I love the words.
After church I came home and called Kel and Paytie. They were actually at Bass Pro Shop instead of church. Kel said I just want to spend boy time with my son since I won't see him for a week. Payton was telling me all about the little fish! He was so excited! I started my new protocol. I started watching New Moon, but then had to pause it because I was so tired. I actually fell asleep. When my machine told me I was finished I unhooked all my electrodes and rolled over and went back to sleep. At some point I need to get on a normal sleep schedule again. When I awakened, I had to hurry because we were supposed to be at the Volcansek's house for dinner. We got there and instantly I felt so comfortable. They are truly good people. I helped broil the bread and we talked for a few minutes before dinner. Bishop is in the Air Force and a fighter pilot. And she owns a vinyl graphic business. They had this amazing family tree, I'd love to get one for Dana and I think I'm going to do that while I'm still here. Oh she'd love that! There was another couple at dinner tonight who were baptized a few months ago. They were such kind people, I love how I could see that sparkle in their eyes. You know I really am so grateful for this adventure I get to be a part of, I have learned so much while I've been here, it's incredible.
We got to the church for William's memorial. Wow... the spirit was so strong. There were a lot of people who attended. First the bishop spoke then Lynette. She's amazing. In December she went on bed rest and shortly there after went on bed rest in the hospital. She was only 21 weeks. William was born on Feb 2 weighing only 10 oz. He was so tiny. The Dr's didn't give him much chance of surviving, but he live for 9 weeks. And got to touch the lives of those around him for 9 weeks. Then they showed a video with pictures of him, there wasn't a dry face. The love the Vance's had for their son was incredible. Anthony then gave a closing talk. He talked about the bond between a son and his mother. How true that is, when you can hold them and feel them. I hope she remembers that feeling forever of holding little Will in her arms against her chest. Afterwards, I gave Lynette a hug and just thanked her for allowing me to be a part of their lives. They are so strong and so faithful. They both inspire me so much.
When we came home I was able to hook up to my machine and start working on Trisha's wedding album. It's done, she just has to journal all her stories. I'm so happy I could do that for them. Kathy called and we talked for quite a while. Bill is having surgery tomorrow, please pray for him. He's the closet thing I have to a dad. I'm really grateful for him, I want to have a dad so badly, I really miss mine. I'm just glad to know that I can always turn to Bill when I need him and he will always be there for me. Kathy told me while I'm at Dr. Rhodes to really tell them all my pain issues and stop putting on my happy face. While I'm there tomorrow, I think we are going to have a sit down to see if we can manage my pain better.
As I sat down at the computer tonight, the pain in my legs got really bad. I was in tears, I fervently started to pray begging please, please make it stop. Please just make in bearable. I've always been able to handle a lot of pain and know the Lord won't give us more than we can handle, but I think I'm pretty close to my limit. Shortly after I finished praying, the pain slowly started to decrease to a level i can at least handle and doesn't have me bend over in tears. for that I'm most grateful. I almost closed out of facebook, but decided to just open a new window instead to blog. I'm so glad I did. I have a friend who's son will have passed away a year ago on the 30th. I'm not a preachy type, I have my faith but don't share it very often. He's so kind to always ask how I'm feeling, then I asked how he was doing. He's really having a hard time right now with the anniversary so close. I kept feeling prompted on what to say to him to try to help and comfort him and let him know what I believe. I felt so strongly to share with him the faith i have and how and pray that he will be able to find the same peace in his heart that I have felt after losing my family members. Finally, I felt that I needed to ask him if he'd like to learn more from the missionaries and he wanted to, I know that when we pray our prayers are answered. Maybe not the way we expected but people come into our lives when we need them the most. I hope that when he does speak with the missionaries that he will have an open heart and mind to what they will teach him about families and how we can be together forever and the after life. I believe this with my whole heart and know it to be true. I wouldn't be where I am today had it not been for my faith. It's late, i better go to bed. Another early morning tomorrow.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Will it Ever End?

I actually slept ok last night, I sure didn't want wake up though. I got up and got ready for my appointment. Guess what... it's over cast still. At my appointment they tried me on a new protocol and after testing reset my frequencies again. Hopefully they will find a perfect one for me soon. My pain was really bad in my thighs and ankles last night and this morning. After my appointment we stopped at a piano store so Jeff could shop around. It's amazing watching him play, he's really good!
At home I actually didn't take a nap, at one point I was really tired but fought it off. Mom called and said Grandma wasn't doing well, she was in ICU. She can't died while I'm here, I can't leave my treatments early or I won't get better. I think I have the best sister ever. Dana called to see how I was doing with my treatments and with the Grandma situation. I told her my frustrations, I could drive to Utah if grandma dies but then there's a possibility of re injuring myself from driving for so long. Remembering she just spend a grand on my kids and I to fly us to Disneyworld for a week with them. She told me she'd fly me to Utah too if needed. I'm really grateful to have her in my life and that family is so important to her. I hope she realizes how important she is to me. With me having to pay $8000 to get treatments here in Texas, I'm pretty broke right now. She doesn't even question it, they are just willing to help us.
I watched a movie while doing my laundry, I need to iron but that can wait for another day. Mom called Grandma is doing better - she's out of the ICU and into a regular room. If you are reading this keep her in your prayers. I can't lose someone else right now, not right now. Trisha made stir fry for dinner. It was really good. Then a spent time copying recipes into a notebook. I'm going to try really hard to actually start cooking a lot more. I know Kel would appreciate it! While I was going through recipes, of course it started raining again. Will it ever end?
Then I took a shower. I don't know if it was from running out of hot water and the cold touched my skin or just from getting out of the shower, the worst pain I've felt in a long time was shooting up the back of my thighs. I immediately got really sick to my stomach and was in tears. Then my ankle got really stiff. I got dressed and came in to hook up to my machine. The pain in still there but not as intense as it was a few hours ago. Hopefully when I fall asleep, I'll be tired enough my body will allow me to sleep through the entire night. It's going to be an early morning tomorrow, Dr. appt at 8 AM (that's 6 AM in Phoenix!) then I have to hurry to get to church by 9AM.
I started uploading Trisha and Jeff's wedding photos to Heritage Makers, I'm going to make them a wedding album to thank them for their hospitality.
I didn't really get to talk to my kids at all today which makes me kinda sad. I talked to Paytie for a minute but he was in the shower. Hailee had been at a party all day. I guess at one point she asked the babysitter if her fake tree was real or fake. Chris said fake. Hailee said Oh good! Then the chipmunks in my head won't try to climb it then. She's so silly and has such an imagination.
I better go to sleep I have to be up in 6 hours. Good night!

Friday, April 16, 2010

Wide Awake

So last night I had a really hard time sleeping again. The weather has been so humid and rainy since I've been here. I just tossed and turned all night long. I really miss being at home.I'm really glad Kel and I didn't split up and we worked through our issues.I hate not seeing him everyday. I was actually a little late to my appointment today. Trisha thought my appointment was at noon instead of ten. It was ok though. Dr. Rhodes decided to put me on a new protocol today since my pain today was more dominate on my left side than my right. He said that it's normal for the pain to jump. He told in to me like this... it's like we're putting out a fire in one area but it sparks up in others. My job is to put out fires all day.
When I came home, I decided I needed to send a few thank you notes. For a while now I've had the feeling I needed to send Tim a letter and apologize for how I just never went back to work when Hais was born. I sent him a card and a few others cards. I started getting really tired cause my second protocol is supposed to make me sleepy. I was trying so hard not to nap today, but my body disagreed and won. I slept for a good 4 hours though. I talked to my mom and things are set for the family vacation with my sister this summer. I'm so glad my kids know their cousins and that we can get together with them.
When I woke up I helped clean the house because Jeff and Trisha invited some friends over for dinner. What a nice couple they were, they recently lost a child. I can't even imagine their pain. I was really glad to meet them.
While I was in the family room talking Hailee tried calling me on skype, she was most upset I didn't answer. Mom texted me so I went in to my room to read Hais her story for the night. I'm really glad I can do that and have our special time even though I'm so far away. I just finished hooking up to my machine - it's super late here and I have a 9 AM appointment so I better get to bed.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

The Rain...

Sorry I didn't blog yesterday, it was a long day. I didn't sleep very well Tuesday night, I was pretty much up all night. It was so hot and humid plus the pain in my foot was really bad. I went to Dr. Rhodes in sweats, I was so tired. I did my tests for the day, they kept me on the same protocol. While I was waiting for Trish the two sisters I met in my first day were in the waiting room. They are so kind. Doore is from California. I found it really interesting her sister has Pixar connections and her daughter was actually the voice of Boo in Mosters Inc. We were talking for a while and she's written to Oprah about getting the word out about RSD and how Dr. Rhodes can help people. We exchanged numbers so we can get together while we are all here. After the Dr. Trisha and I ran a few errands then came home, I hooked up and then slept until just after 5 PM. I feel like all I do in read while I'm hooked up to my machine and sleep. I guess my body is catching up for the last 6 year of lack of sleep. They actually put me on a protocol that will make me tired so I'll actually sleep. Glad it's working. It's been really weird though my pain has been shifting a lot to the left side of my body. Usually it's mostly on the right. It has been so humid here that it's making my body feel all crazy. After dinner I pretty much hung out in my room and watched a movie. I talked to Hais and Kel. I miss them so much, I cried myself to sleep. I just want to hold my babies and love them. I just want Kelvin to be by my side and tell me everything is going to be ok. He's doing such a good job taking care of Hailee, I'm really proud of him.
I actually slept pretty well last night, probably from crying myself to the point of exhaustion. Of course when I woke up it was raining. The weather has been so bad while I've been here. Trisha took me to my appointment. The girls always take the temperature of both thumbs and big toes before and after treatment. My toes were colder after treatment today... in the low seventies. They changed my machines frequency and beat pattern to help me in a more effective way. After my treatment I was sitting in the waiting room, Trisha was dropping off job applications so I had to wait for her to finish. I just sat there and was reading my book, Janine called. There was this old man in the waiting room too and every time someone came to the office he'd get up and open the door for them, he was so thoughtful. He said hi and how are you doing to everyone who walked in that door. Janine and I hung up - I was going to start reading again, but instead I put my book away and started a conversation with this man. He's from Corpus Christi born in 1933, he served in the air force during the Korean War. We talked about my grandparents and how they served in the Navy during WWII. We were talking about the crazy weather here. I asked if he'd ever been in a hurricane, he said oh yes. When he was born there was a hurricane and they put him inside the dresser drawer. Old people have the best stories. I'm really grateful I've gotten to know my grandparents better this last few years. And that my kids have come to know them as well. Then this man probably in his 40's came in the office. You could tell he'd had some brain damage, he was in a wheel chair. He was really funny. He knew the old man and went over and asked him to write a number on his arm before he forgot (using his pen). It was a shocking pen. LOL - he thought it was so funny - except the old man couldn't feel it. He said he did it to the nurses and they jumped. It was really funny. I'm so glad I've been able to meet all these people and see what trials and struggles they go through in their lives and realize mine aren't as bad as some of theirs. When the wheel chair man left, the old man told me about him. He used to be a firefighter in Chicago and was hit by a train. They told his family he'd be a vegetable for the rest of his life. He said that the man is actually very independent - he can actually walk now but uses his chair when he has to ride the bus. It's amazing how the treatments have changed his life. He went from a vegetable to walking! That's incredible. Trisha arrived, it was raining so hard! I came home and did my treatments, I skyped with my mom and Payton. I was so excited to see my little man. Oh how I miss him! Then he ran out of the room and he was crying so I asked what was wrong? My mom said he'd run to the front door, he wanted me. My poor son - it brakes my heart that I can't hold him in my arms. So, she turned on Oomy Zoomies for him and he was happy again. I could barely keep my eyes open, when they were done I fell asleep until about 5PM. We had pancakes for dinner which were super yummy. My favorite! Hailee called for a few minutes. I took a shower and washed my hair. I read Hais her story and talked with Kel for a few minutes. Did my nails and watched a movie on Netflix. Now here I am, Kel just called to say good night. I really miss him. He said he was really tired, he doesn't sleep well when I'm not next to him. I hope he gets some rest tonight, he's been super busy at work. Good night!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

A Day of Exhaustion

Since my appointment today wasn't until noon, I slept until almost 11 AM. I have been so tired the last few days. I know it's from the weather though, it's the same in Phoenix when it's humid and rainy. I woke up this morning and felt so horrible - the pain was so bad. The pain in my hip was the feels like it's going to explode pain. Just most of my entire right side and bottom of my foot was really painful. I had every intention of going to the Dr. in sweats, but decided I needed to actually get dressed and put make up on my face.
I got the Dr. Rhodes office and went back to Room 6 to start my testing for the day. Since I was hurting so badly today, they didn't test my blood pressure, they didn't want to aggravate my pain any more. When Dr. B came in to see how I was doing today, I asked why in the world they had their office in a place with weather like this. He laughed, I said well at least you get to see me at my worst so you can fix me at my worst. He said well that's a great way to look at it! The testing found a protocol that would be great for my pain for today, so they reset my machine to new frequencies and sent me home with 2 new protocols - one lower body then other upper.
The nurse was telling me that their youngest RSD patient was 12, she twisted her ankle playing soccer. Another patient was 14 - I can't remember what happened to her. The oddest on set of RSD was a patient who gave someone a hi-5. This is such a strange disease! Anything cause on set it. Unfortunately for me I slipped in water. I have such great hope and faith that they can help me though.
Trisha needed to return some books at the library so we stopped in there after my appointment. FYI...the wind today was blowing crazy hard. We walked in and there was this really eerie whistling. Like the library was haunted - it was freaky! When we were at the check out I asked the girls if it bothered them, they said they don't even hear it anymore. They said the sound gets even louder when the wind in worse. Crazy! I don't know how people live here. Yes, it is very beautiful here, but the wind and rain. I couldn't do it.
I got home and made some lunch. Then came into my room and hooked up and started my new protocols. I fell asleep for a few hours. I feel like I don't get anything accomplished when I sleep so much, but I know that my body needs sleep to heal itself. After I woke up I actually can breath a little better and my body still hurts but not as badly.
I called Janine since she has Hais today. She said Hailee had said she was sad at school. At recess because she was sad they made her sit on the wall. Hais said they told her she had to be happy at school otherwise she had to sit on the wall. I need to get to the bottom of this cause that isn't flying with me. When you have a little child who's mommy is gone for almost a month, don't tell her she isn't allowed to be sad. I need to talk to her and her teacher, I'll let you know what happens later tonight, I'll have Kel figure out what really happened. Well, time for dinner... I'll finish a little later.
So after Kel picked up Hais he questioned her about her day, she said it was fine. Tonight when I read her her story I asked why she told Janine she sat on the wall. She told me she had asked if she could sit on the wall because she was sad. Good thing we ask lots of questions cause I was ready to really let some teacher have it, I was fired up.
Kathy called me tonight and I told her all about the new machine Dr. Rhodes has and all the new testing he is capable of doing. I'm going to set up up with modern Woodmen and get a fund raiser going for her so she can come back to Dr. Rhodes. While I'm here I'll try to find her a family to stay with to help lower the expense of treatments. She was so excited, I can't wait for her to feel better. We talked about doing a huge rummage sale and also having it be a part of Reese's Eagle Project, I'm so excited to help and organize it with them. I have so many ideas running through my head. I need to start making lists of all my inspirations.
I'm just waiting for Kel to call me to tell me good night. Sweet Dreams everyone!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Sounds Like You Are In A Wind Storm

I woke up this morning and of course... it's raining! Again - this weather is killing me! But I love the beauty of the earth when it's raining so that's ok. I could remember what time my appointment was so I called Dr. Rhodes office. I had a few hours to I just laid in bed reading and listening to music. I fell asleep for a little while, while Trisha was out for a morning walk. I got to Dr. Rhodes office and met with the nurse first. She had me stand on this mood board - it's supposed to show the circulation in your feet. Yeah, it was black - very black. Not good. Then I ate my lunch while I waiting for Dr. B, he's a former orthopedic surgeon. He saw first hand the miracles Dr. Rhodes machines have done and started working with him within 30 days - he packed up and moved to corpus Christi.
A little later they took me to this new x-ray machine that capture bone loss. He found it very interested and immediately knew I had RSD. It is actually in my left foot as well. In the left foot at the big toe joint I already have bone loss and at my heal I already have 30% bone loss. The right foot was worse, it was in more areas where bone loss was starting and in the heal it's more to a 35%+ loss. Then I was hooked up to another machine that measures the circulation in your feet. My circulation is at about 20% which explains why my feet are at such a freezing temperature all the time. My left foot temp is 73 degrees! the only toes that had somewhat good circulation was my right middle toe. Random! Just talking to the Dr.'s I'm really excited, they are very proud of me for just dealing with the pain and not taking medicine they'll have to wean me off of - I told them the reason I don't take meds in the first place is because I hate feeling high and drugged. I rather be in horrible pain and be coherent then high and not have a clue to what's going on besides, I'm a mom and I have lots of responsibilities. They hooked me up to the machine that tests me to see which protocol I need the most that day so they could set it accordingly for the best treatment. I met a lady for California that was there today and she was so surprised that some of her tingling was gone - she was just unsure. I assured her that it was going to work and told her I knew she was going to feel better soon. She was actually really grateful I said that to her. I really want to help people understand and have hope. When my appointment was over I was waiting outside for Trisha to come get me. It was so windy, but I love it. Watching the palm trees blow in the wind and to see the clouds. I've really come to love nature a lot recently and can see the beauty of it all around. I called Kel to tell him about my day. He said, "What's going on? It sounds like you are in a wind storm or something." I replied, "It's because I am in a wind storm, I standing outside in one."
The office was closing, the nurses and Dr. Rhodes kept asking if I was going to be alright standing outside with my ride not here yet, I assured them I'd be fine. Dr. Rhodes was so sweet, he said well I feel responsible for you. Trisha showed up a minute later. We ran to Walmart to get a surge protector for my machine and a few other things.
We came home a got dinner ready, I talked to my kids - who I miss so much! I read Hais a chapter in her book, while I was doing my night treatment - I had to lie here and not move. Then after I finished my feet protocol I had to switch to my hand protocol. He thinks he can get rid of my sinus issues - we'll see. That would be amazing to be able to breath again. He said in about a week I should notice a world of difference.
When I was finished I went out into the family room, Trisha had prepared a family home evening lesson - it was about sharing the gospel with those around us. I was so grateful I decided to join them for that, they really have been such a good example to me. I know I've felt nervous for so long about sharing my beliefs with others. I love my church and am so grateful for it and the people. You can't tell me that the people aren't good when I've seen first hand how kind, generous, and loving this ward has been to a complete stranger. I'm grateful to know that I can look up a ward no matter where I go and go to church and learn about the same things I would be learning if I was home and know that if I need help all I have to do is ask. I think I'm going to bed early tonight.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Full of Faith

I actually slept really well last night and am so grateful! Early this morning though these birds called Cackles are SO loud and were squawking up a storm outside my window. I tried to go back to sleep, a little while later Trisha knocked on my door that we were leaving for church in 20 minutes so I hurried and got ready. Church was great. It was ward conference - the talks were about teaching our children in faith, forgiveness, I can't remember the other talk. I love to watch people and there was this lady sitting a few rows in front of us, she had 3 children. I loved watching her and how she acted with them. There was so much love. I watch how so was stroking her daughters hair and she just had this kindness to her. I want to be that kind of mom.
Sunday school was interesting we had a lesson about Exodus, I wish I understood the Bible better - so many things go right over my head. Priesthood and Relief Society was joint. The stake presidency was giving talks. I really just felt the spirit a lot today.
It has been over cast here since this morning, which is never a good thing for me. Oh gosh, my right leg and body were hurting so badly. I'm sure people were wondering why I couldn't sit still for more than 20 seconds at a time. When we got out of church it was actually raining, my body was exhausted so I came into my room and started reading a book Kathy lent me and totally passed out for like 4 hours. When I woke up I went into the kitchen to talk to Trisha. Some friends of theirs invited us over for dinner. I questioned her to make sure they meant me too, I didn't want to be a burden. She was so quick to say no they know you are here and they want you to come also. We got to their house - they live in such a beautiful neighborhood. I could literally sit and look at Texas houses all day long. They are made of brick and have these really high slanted roofs. I've always loved the style of the homes here. Matt and Annie and 2 little kids - a girl and boy. There little guys is a few months older than Payton. I can't wait for Paytie to grow up! It was really neat to watch how they interacted with their children. Matt was playing with them so much and was so laid back. Those are the kind of thing that those children are going to remember for the rest of their lives. It made me think of how I act with my kids and how i want to strive to be a better mother towards them. I'm so grateful for all the things I've been able to experience so far on this long journey. Today Jeff and Trisha were able to use my laptop so they could skype with his family and show them their new house. I was able to hear them interact with his family. I watched and seen the good example they are about reading their scriptures faithfully and discussing them with each other. They bless all their meals. They just do so many things that invite the spirit into their home, I love this feeling. It has really opened my eyes to things that I can do in my home to invite the spirit into my home more often.
I also got to talk to the kids on skype today and that was really great to see them and I got to read Hailee was of her Fairy Magic books before she went to bed. I'm so grateful for the technology to provide me to do those things.
Trisha and I stayed up and were talking a lot tonight. I probably talked her ear off, but I talk to Payton all day. I told her about my life and my trials and things that have happened and how they made me the person that I am and even though I'd change certain aspects of my life, I'm grateful for them because I've learned many things from them and can hopefully help others one day. It was really neat because here they are this great example to me, but she told me what a great example I've been to her. She wishes her and Jeff can have the same love Kel and I have, she thinks it's wonderful how much I love my children and how I love to talk about them and it shows by my actions. I never really realized how much I could be helping someone by the way I live my life. I was talking to Kathy on the phone Thursday - I was having really hard feeling leaving my kids for so long and being away from them. I was grateful for these feeling though because for so long my heart has kind of been shut off. I always knew how much I loves Hailee and Payton but I couldn't feel it and didn't have to the energy to feel it. Kathy told me how she completely understood. And it's because of our pain, out body and mind are so physically exhausted that the part of our brain that feels those things is going a million miles an hour trying to compensate for all the things going on in our bodies. I was excited because I could feel the love and the sadness in my heart. A few times today I cried about them, but am so glad I could see their faces. It was also neat how Trisha talked to me about my faith and how it amazes her the faith I have, which I know I have faith I'll be healed, but never really thought much about how other perceive it. I just know that at some point we have to put every single ounce of faith we have in Heavenly Father and Jesus and believe that they will place us in the right place at the right time and know that everything will work out according the the Father's will and whatever that might be. I am just so grateful to be a member of a church where we have solid values and have the priesthood. And can call upon it when needed. I'm grateful for my faith and for the inspiration I feel to help me along the way. I hope and pray that I can continue to be an example to those around me. Keep me and my family in your prayers, I start my treatments tomorrow. It's going to be the first day - 6 hours. Good night!

Saturday, April 10, 2010

The Start of My Adventure

So this morning we drove to San Antonio. The drive there was beautiful. It was open green fields filled with pink, purple and white wildflowers. I wanted to just stop and picks lots of them for Hailee. She loves flowers and would have loved the drive. We got to San Antonio and went to the Temple. The San Antonio Temple is so beautiful! The Angel Moroni was huge! Maybe they are all that size, but he seemed so large. I was so excited to do work for those who'd past on and it was really neat and one point I felt this overwhelming feeling of joy. It was a really neat experience. The sister working in the temple was really nice, she's actually a member of the Corpus Christi 3rd Ward. The same ward as the Grittons. Small world!
At the temple after we finished we met this really nice couple outside, they had a little boy a few months younger than Payton but he looked like he was 3 or 4. I love watching other couple interact and the love they share for each other. I hope one day that kelvin and I can be a couple like that where we are so filled with the spirit and have endless happiness.


Jeff then drove to the Alamo. Wow...I'd heard of the Alamo but had no clue what it was, this place was amazing! There was this tree that was brought and planted there in 1918, the tree was transplanted already being 40 years old. I wish I had had a wide angle lens camera with me to capture the beauty of this tree. It was incredible! The branches were huge and curved and bended and just made this magnificent sculpture.

Of course, Max and Ducka came on these adventures with me today. I hope Hailee loves all the photos and places they were able to go today. We were able to go inside the Alamo. Unfortunately the was a no photos policy. The architecture of the building was amazing, how men knew way back then how to build these incredible places amazes me. You could see the bullet holes in the walls and doors. Gosh I can't even describe the beauty of the Alamo.

We then walked over to the Riverwalk. As soon as I saw the River I had to stop, this has to be one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. We walked partially down the river. The trees were incredible, so large and grand - thick and lush. I've really forgotten how beautiful Texas is. We stopped at a little Mexican restaurant, it was pretty good. The salsa was wonderful. Then we walked back to the car. There is this really old fire station, so I took pictures of the fire truck for Payt.

I slept most of the way back home (3 hour drive), the pain started getting pretty intense in my leg.
Man... I miss my little ones. I'm glad Kel is having the opportunity to spend quality time with them. He took Hais to NASCAR with his parents tonight. I can't wait for her to call me tomorrow and tell me all about it. My mom said Paytie has been doing really well. I wanted to see his beautiful face tonight and get on Skype with him but didn't want to upset him before bed. So now I'm sitting here blogging, hopefully I will get a good night sleep tonight. Last night was rough. I already don't sleep well and being in a new place and missing my family. At least I got to Skype with Kel before he went to bed so I could see him. I'm going to try to edit some photos tonight and this week. I really want to get all my Heritage Makers projects finished. Good night!

Friday, April 9, 2010

So Many Blessings

I don't know how many people out there actually read my blog, but I'm going to start writing more about my faith and the things that have been happening to me. This is going to start being my journal for my recovery.
So the other day I was really freaking out about leaving for Texas and leaving my children. I called Bill and asked him to give me a Priesthood Blessing to comfort me. I'm so grateful to have him in my life as a "father figure", what a great man and good example he is to me. He gave me a wonderful blessing about how my doctors will be guided and know the proper treatments for me, the RSD will be something I'll have to live with the rest of my life, but it will be manageable with my machine. It talked so much about the Ward here in Corpus Christi and how great and charitable they are and were placed in my path to help me, comfort me, and to teach me by example. Just from the kindness the Grittons have shown me makes me what to be better. This is going to be a great adventure for me and I'll make friends that will last through eternity. I'm so grateful for that, I love my ward and I have friends, but besides my mom there isn't anyone that I run to to tell my exciting news to and I miss having a person in my life like that.
I was putting Hais to bed last night and we talked and cried. She asked me to bring Max & Ducka (her favorite animals - she sleeps with every night) on my trip with me. I promised her I would take them everywhere I go and we'd take lots of pictures. I put her to bed and finished getting ready. When she woke up this morning she climbed into my bed and wrote me a note... "I'm afraid really afraid. My mom is going to doctor in Texas. I'll be sad today." I knelt down in the driveway and hugged her and cried a little more with her. We then drove to school and I dropped her off. It reminded me of the first day of school and the tears I shed. When I got back home I decided I should probably pack since I was leaving in a few hours. Paytie was trying to be helpful and sit in my suitcase. Silly boy. My mom came over so we could run to the bank. The cash matching funds from Modern Woodmen came and I needed to deposit it, I borrowed the rest from family and will pay them back with the rest of the auction items income. While I'm here I'm going to get the rest of the items listed on Ebay and Craigslist. Payton was excited to go to the airport, he kept saying Mommy...Airplane? When we got there he wanted to get out with me I just hugged and kissed him and told him to be a good boy. Oh Gosh, that was so hard to leave my son. My mom said he cried for me the whole way back to my house. As I was waiting to board the plane I met some nice older guys who were headed to Corpus Christi also, so I asked if I could just tag along with them. They were so kind to let me.
The flight to Dallas was pretty easy, I got off the plane and my new friends were there waiting for me. We headed to the terminal Buses because our connecting flight was in a different terminal. Of course Max and Ducka got lots of pictures taken. I had a few minutes before I boarded so I called and talk to the kids and Kel. Hailee couldn't believe I was already in Texas. Kel got tickets to NASCAR so he's going to take Hailee tomorrow. I'm so jealous! She'll have a great time though, she's loved NASCAR since so was born. We had to ride one of the little planes to Corpus Christi. I was in an isle by myself (I was the only seat in the isle) the seats were actually really comfortable. I started reading but them I started to feel sick cause we hit a lot of turbulence. It started to really make me start hurting pretty badly through my legs and back. I just started praying asking Heavenly Father to please make the wind calm and for the turbulence to stop and within minutes there was no movement from the plane. I'm so grateful for a loving and kind Heavenly Father who hears me and answer my cries for help. On so many occasions. In my patriarchal blessing it talks about blessing will come to me and I will not be able to contain them all. I feel like this is that time. I've really been trying hard this year to really be faithful and turn to the Savior for help and let the atonement work in my life and I've been blessed so much.
After I got off the plane Trisha and Jeff picked me up and they are so kind. I have so much gratitude for them. It still amazes me that there are so many wonderful people in this world who will help a complete stranger and open there arms and home to me. I pray that Heavenly Father blesses them. We got home and Trisha made me some dinner and we talked about our plans for tomorrow. I'm so excited to go to San Antonio and see the sights and go to the Temple. Then I got all unpacked and made my room into my little home for the next 3 weeks. Well I better get to bed, I'm still on AZ time but we are leaving TX time tomorrow. Good night!

Monday, April 5, 2010

He really does answer our Prayers

I just thought I'd catch everyone up on the auction. We didn't have quite the success we wanted or expected from the auction. All the remaining items are going to be placed on Ebay and craiglist or facebook to repay those allowing me to borrow the remaining monwy needed for the treatments. I guess I let my faith waver a little, I felt so strongly that the money would come and it had been. I am so grateful for all those that have shown up at my door step with checks saying they felt impressed to bring me a check. They apologized it wasn't more, but if they only knew the gratitude I felt for them in my heart. Modern Woodmen has been great too, they matched me the $2500 and I should get the check as I'm boarding the airplane. I've been worried still because I only have $5000 and the treatment alone is $6600 not including my plane tickets, housing, car rental, food, etc. I got a phone call last night and it was the family that is letting me stay with them. They are truly an answer to so many prayers. She asked if there was anything I needed while I was there and I told her that I just needed a ride so I could rent a car. She stopped me and said that between her and the other members of Relief Society they would get me to my appointments so I didn't have to rent a car. When we hung up I just thanked my Heavenly Father for this Corpus Christi ward and it's members. These people have no clue who I am, but are so willing to help me. I'm so humbled and grateful for them. I'm going to try to get the remaining items on ebay this week. After the auction I couldn't function for 3 days and slept most of the time because I couldn't walk the pain was so bad. I'm just trying to get everything ready and my children situated. Being gone from them for 20 days is going to be so hard. I am so grateful for the internet though so I can still see their beautiful faces everyday!